Lost in Thoughts…

December 11, 2007

The other woman

Filed under: Relationship — Confused Desi @ 6:46 am

If you live in Singapore and have been surfing the net, you might have read the blog of this woman who complains about how his husband is cheating on her with some other woman from work. In the end the woman blames this other woman, as she “snatched” the guy away from her.

This got me thinking, as to why women always blame the other woman? Is it really necessary? I mean, seriously, the guy who promised to love you and protect should be the one kicked and blamed; Definitely not the woman. Well, she did something wrong but she is a stranger, she didn’t promise you anything. So why! Why is it that we always blame the other woman.

Until few weeks, I was so sure I would never do that, thats degrading. Now, I know I wont do it but I think the woman is to blame too. The reasons:

Disclaimer: The guy is doing the wrong thing, you are definitely gonna kill him but these are just justification as to why woman should not be spared either!  

  • Its easier to blame the woman – Its so hard to accept that your guy is cheating on you, and its even harder to accept that your judgment was not correct! If you can’t trust your own judgment, what can you?
  • All women have an unspoken pact – This is my personal belief. Guys tend to do stuff which is risky and which they think they can get away with. I am not saying all of them, just some of them – its the thrill of the thing. Somehow, thats even more derogatory but my point is, the woman know! They wouldn’t want this to happen to her ever, so she should never subject this to any other woman! If you know the guy is attached/ married/ dedicated, you should not go out of your way to find love/lust there.

I was out with my friend, who told me that this other friend (girl) of my boyfriend told her that she don’t mind dating my boyfriend and that I am nothing to my boyfriend! Thats so retarded, you do not have the right to judge what I am to my boyfriend and you cant imply that you wanna date my boyfriend AFTER you keep calling him your sister. This is the same woman my bf’s mum think is better suited (and my bf went and told her). I am still freaking annoyed about this. I am even mad at my bf (not showing to him as this is clearly not his fault) but also at that b*tch! I wish my bf stops talking to her – they work in the same building and they are very friendly.
The woman was insulting to me and you go have lunch with her – after i told you what she said! I don’t know if i should be mad about this …….


December 10, 2007


Filed under: Relationship — Confused Desi @ 9:09 am

I mentioned that I had a reluctance period, before I started dating my boyfriend – that was of about 3 months. During this period we were dating and me telling him that I am not interested, making out and then I tell him I am not interested; I had my reasons, obviously! So, I am not at fault.

Did I mention, today marks the 6th month since we have been together. Well I called him up, as he is in NZ – visiting family, and he says “We will be together for another 6 months at least” Wtf!!!! “at least???” He can’t say something like that to me, over the phone, when we wont be seeing each other for 3 weeks and when I am going to meet my sister who is going to convince me to marry some Indian guy, and give me lecture over how Indians are better [that will be complete torture].. No Sir, he don’t consider all that! He goes away and say something horrible and stupid.. Over the phone!!!

I think I know why he is torturing me, keeping me hanging – dangling,  on my toes, not knowing if he wants to settle down or not – It’s KARMA! I tortured him for 3+5 mths. So, he is gonna torture me for 8 mths atleast! or maybe double (coz it always comes back increased???) Sigh!

I think I will die out of curiosity and frustration by then… Please hurry up!

December 4, 2007

Fandango! ;)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Confused Desi @ 7:24 am

I wish it made sense…

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Resolution of the Day

Filed under: Relationship — Confused Desi @ 7:13 am

Met him for lunch, was sporting a long face (^-^), really wanted to tell him that its over, but didn’t had the courage. He was being very nice, making sure I have not misunderstood anything he said last nite – I didn’t , I am very sure he needs lots of time to think this through.

Didn’t really eat much, and was starving – don’t think i m those types who can live without food; Got myself a nice chocolate muffin and a skinny cap 🙂 *Always lifts up my spirit* . Since I am feeling awesome (other than my running nose and the absolute horrendous headache), I made a resolution. Here it goes –

I am going to break up with him for sure, I know what he wants and I know what I want and since we both are unwilling to meet halfway, Its best to part ways. And usually I am very bad at breaking up, I have decided to remain detached. Sooner or later he will realize that my heart is not in it and he will move on!

The Morning After

Filed under: Uncategorized — Confused Desi @ 2:16 am

My head hurts, My eyes are puffy and my nose is running. Well, I have given up – He totally missed the point. I was telling him that you might need  to do something in near future and he told me that he thinks its best to wait for 2 years to see if we are compatible. Doh! I can’t give you two years. NEVER date someone outside your culture – they don’t understand anything.

Advantages of breaking up:

  • I will have more time to exercise
  •  I will have more time to sleep – I love sleeping
  • I will slim down [thanks to #1]
  • I will always look fresh [thanks to #2]
  • …*thinking*

December 3, 2007

My speech

Filed under: Relationship — Confused Desi @ 6:31 am

Have come up with a speech, as i think i can’t break up. So, here it goes

“Hey, you know i have been thinking abt our conversation last nite and i realised that i cant keep lying to my parents. I don’t want them to get hurt. If anyone gets to know about this,then they are def gonna be horrible to my parents. there will be gossip mills about their slutty and unruly daughter, and how they have not been good parents, and I don’t want that. I want them to find out through me. However, if i tell them and IF they do get convinced they are not gonna wait for 2 years to see me married. They would want something sooner – esp since they will be extra worried and concerned and also coz their thinking is very different. They don’t believe in dating, they believe in arranged marriages.

Having said that you are really important to me! So what I want you to do is take some time and think about what you really want. If there are no conditions, no restrictions, what would you really want to do about relation. Lemme know when you come to a decision. I think we both deserve the honesty from each other and also, i need to be very sure that we both want this before I go have a chat with my parents.”

Hopefully, I remember this and don’t end up crying!

Update @ 12:35

Filed under: Relationship — Confused Desi @ 4:36 am

At this point I don’t wanna break up.. 😦 Need serious help, Hope I could see the future!

Breaking-up – Even when you don’t wanna

Filed under: Relationship — Confused Desi @ 3:43 am

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months; It’s not very long, in-fact very short, but its really very long by Indian standard – especially since I have reached the age of a spinster (according to my aunt), its 25 in case you are wondering.

We met around 10 months ago, at work [kinda], we were good friends for some time, I think we both wanted something more but I was reluctant as he is Chinese and 2 years younger than me, and I am Indian. Indians don’t really date non-Indians, especially my type of Indians. My dad tells me, on daily basis, how important it is to be with some Indian and my mum has this famous making you feel guilty techniques; Against my better judgment, I went with it. I knew it would never work, but my bf was so sure, He said we would never know until we try.

Everything is going great, except I am always scared that my parents will find out through someone else and they will flip. It’s something to do with disappointing them, loosing their trust, and if the words gets out, then social disgrace for them [as Indians are famous at gossiping and its a complete no-no to do something which is not acceptable].

So, few weeks back I shared my concerns with him and told him lets just break up before this turns nasty; I told him that Indians work differently, for us marriage is first and I don’t want to push him in a corner and force him into something, which he will regret later (According to my friend I am already doing that). A lot of tears were shed (all mine) and he reassured me that this is what he wants and that he willing to take the next step. He is ready for it, and since then he keeps talking about future – as in implying of our future together, mention of marriage and kids etc.

I went to meet my parents, and again my dad told me that don’t get involved with Chinese – they don’t know but he kind of suspects. So, i shared this with my bf and he suggested that I should let my parents know. So, I explained to him (again for the 20th time) that if I tell my parents they would want us to get married. [My parents believe in arranged marriage] and he said “Well, we will get engaged and tell them we will get married by the time you are 30, at least till I am 25”, 30! 30! thats 5 years.

All those explanations about my culture, and then he expects me to wait till 30. How long does he expect me to lie to my parents. So, now we are at a stage when I want to get married soon and he don’t. I don’t know what to do. I totally understand that he is very young (although he is really very mature, he is more mature than most 30 years), but I cant keep lying to my parents and I really can’t wait till 30. Or rather, I am not sure if I want to.

It’s heartbreaking and I don’t know how to break up (this will be the 3rd time in 3 weeks), My friend tells me that instead of pressurizing him, I should manipulate him. I just want to move on and get a hold of my life. I just wish I had never started this, I just wish that he was older. I read this article, which said

“I’ve read that men marry at the right time and will make any woman the right woman when the time comes. Women marry the right guy, and will make any time the right time when the right guy comes.”

I am going to talk to him tonight and hopefully I end up breaking up with him rather than pushing him into a corner. I don’t want to break up 😦 I want him to say that he WANTS to get married, I want him to WANT to propose to me. 😦  I was hoping to do it over a mail of SMS – I always end up crying, don’t know whats wrong with me! – but he joined a new job and I guess that would be veryyyy wrong.

So good luck to me and if you happen to read this overly long story, do post your comments – good or bad!

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