Lost in Thoughts…

July 27, 2011

New Resolutions

Filed under: Uncategorized — Confused Desi @ 11:23 am

It is such a beautiful day here in Singapore. It started with a very heavy downpour ( I know some people hate it, but I love it.) and now it is quite bright and sunny. I was re-reading some of the posts posted few years back and I have realised that I tend to focus on the negatives, at-least when I blog, which is alright, except for the part that I start using this platform to rant and rant only.

So, in the spirit of beautiful days, I have decided to be more positive (especially while blogging). And in the spirit of making new resolution, I have decided to make another resolution, and that is to NEVER sign up for a package for any service.

I went to a nail parlour yesterday and signed up a package, this is after my previous package expired at another nail parlour because I didn’t use it. I spend so much money buying packages because I think this will save me money but in reality I end up spending more.

So, no new packages and no more negative blogging ( maybe not as often )

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July 26, 2011

Bakeries, Services and such

Filed under: food — Confused Desi @ 8:54 am
Tags:

I have been craving for a cake the whole day. Finally caved in and bought me an Oreo cheesecake, which was heavenly.

Although, the woman at the bakery shop was the finest example of the usual service in Singapore. If you are not clear what that means then let me say it out loud, she was a Bitch.

I wanted to share the cake with a friend and asked her If she could cut it for me. And she told me that she can’t, as they don’t have knives due to “hygiene purpose”. What are you trying to say, you don’t know how to clean a knife?

Anyways, she handed me fork and said I can do it myself. Alright, I take off the plastic around the slice, put it aside and was just cutting it when she tells me that the dustbin is over there, pointing to some random direction in the distance. Argh, I know, let me cut the bloody cake and I will be on my way. No thanks to you!

This wasn’t all of it but to say the least, she just thought it’s her job to ensure I understand that she can only do two things, take money and put the cake in a box.

I know I shouldn’t expect more but is it really hard to expect people to talk to you rather snap at you? I don’t mind being told something can’t be done or something you wont do; I do mind how you say it. Sigh.

The cake made it up for the whole experience (or lack of).

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July 10, 2009

I am Back!!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Confused Desi @ 5:55 am

After a long break from blogging, I am back at it again.

Story so far…
1. I am engaged, to the most romantic guy ever.. and he proposed on a yatch, jsut unforgettable.
2. I am getting married in October !!!!
3. I am still trying to loose wt.
4. I am doing better at my job.
5. I have got great friends now. 🙂
6. My mother-in-law and I have better relationship now.
7. I am going to get pissed drunk tonight.

life is perfect 😀

February 10, 2009

Patience

Filed under: Uncategorized — Confused Desi @ 3:21 am

“Patience is a virtue”, Or so everyone says. Is it really a virtue? Is it really necessary to be patient?

I think patience is overrated. When you want something to happen and it doesn’t, the only thing you get is doubt. Patience makes you question your faith, your ability; gives you depression, tension, irritation, high blood pressure and desire to kill!

MRTs & LEDs

Filed under: Uncategorized — Confused Desi @ 3:18 am

Around 10 years ago, when I was new to the Singapore’s MRT system, I used to get frustrated over the confusion of where I am. It’s hard to believe but I used to doze off during the long ride and couldn’t get my bearing for some time. I used to think why can’t they just put a LED system instead of a plain map. It would be so much easier just to find out where one is.

So, after few years (i think in 2000) they came up with new MRTs with speaker announcement. They wasted millions of dollars to fix all the MRT and personally I feel you can hardly understand the woman. It all sounds grumbled.

So, I was quite pleased to see the first MRT today with LED. It is so much more efficient. It tells you which side door is gonna open and stuff. If only they had done this long ago rather than investing in stupid projects like announcements. *rolls eyes*

January 16, 2009

Chandni Chowk to China

Filed under: Uncategorized — Confused Desi @ 9:29 am

There is a huge hype for this hindi movie and even though most of the hindi movies are general crap, I had high expectations of this movie. BUT the movie is in general CRAP.

The concept was so interesting. An Indian going to china, there is so much potential there. Unknown country, language problem, culture difference, one would have thought it’s difficult to screw this up but hey, it is directed by an Indian director!

I could imagine the conversation which must have happened between whoever made this movie:

Director: “Hey I would like to direct a movie, just need money”

Producer: “Do you have a story in mind?”

Director: “Well, i was thinking of making a movie on China”

Producer: ” Thats a  great plan. What about the story?”

Director: “Ah, don’t worry about that, we should be able to think about something on the way”

Producer: “Sounds like a plan! Btw, let’s get Warner Brother involved, we could target international audience”

Director: “Yeah! So for the international audience we should put more mirch-masala!”

……..

I just hope people start giving correct review. I read few reviews before I went for the movie and the reviews were not too bad. It made it sound like you can watch it once at-least.

January 12, 2009

Mile Eye Club? – No Meh

Filed under: Uncategorized — Confused Desi @ 5:53 am

This funny news articlereports on two lovers getting hot and heavy on Melbourne’s wheel and how noone is really complaining.

If this had happened in Singapore, first we would have seen the pictures on Stomp with loads of discussion forum on appropriate behaviour forgetting the privacy law; The officials fining them for having fun; and most likely the PM commenting on the whole episode during his address to the public:

“we should encourage child growth but by staying in-house not by enjoying it” 😉

January 7, 2009

Jaane Kyun..

Filed under: Uncategorized — Confused Desi @ 4:15 pm

I just love the song, can’t stop listening to it 😛

 

I’ Ll Be All Right

Tu Hai To Tedhi Medhi Rahein

Ulti Pulti Baatein, Seedhi Lagti Hai

Tu Hai To Jhoothe Muthe Vaadein

Dushman Ke Iraade, Sacche Lagtein Hain..

Jo Dil Mein Taare Vaare De Jaga, Woh Tu Hi Hai, Tu Hi Hai

Jo Roote Roote De Hasa, Tu Hi Hai Wohi..

(Jaane Kyun Jaane Kyun Dil Jaanta Hai.., Tu Hai To, I’ Ll Be All Right

I’ Ll Be All Right, I’ Ll Be All Right) – 2

 

 

Saari Duniya Ek Taraf Hai, Ek Taraf Hai Hum

Har Khushi To Door Bhage, Mil Rahein Hai Gum

But When U Smile For Me, World Seems All Right

Yeh Meri Zindagi, Pal Mein Khil Jaaye, Jaane Kyun..

(Jaane Kyun.., Jaane Kyun Dil Jaanta Hai.., Tu Hai To, I’ Ll Be All Right

I’ Ll Be All Right, I’ Ll Be All Right) – 2

 

(Yeah Yeah Yeah, I’ Ll Be All Right, I’ Ll Be All Right, I’ Ll Be All Right

Yeah Yeah Yeah, I’ Ll Be All Right, I’ Ll Be.. All.. Right..) – 2

Oh Oo.., Chote Chote Kuch Palon Ka, Dostana Yeah

Jaane Kyun Abb Lag Raha Hai, Jaana Maana Yeah

Yeah Saare Pal Yehi, Yuhi Tham Se Jaaye, Jaane Kyun, Jaane Kyun

(Jaane Kyun.., Jaane Kyun Dil Jaanta Hai.., Tu Hai To, I’ Ll Be All Right

I’ Ll Be All Right, I’ Ll Be All Right) – 2

 

I’ Ll Be All Right

When You Are Around, Zig-zag Roads

And Upside-down Matters Seem Straight

When You Are Around, Fake Promises

And Enemy’s Intentions Seem True

The One Who Raises Stars In The Day, Is You.

The One Who Makes (Me) Laugh While Crying, Is You.

Wonder Why, The Heart Knows, When/If You Are Around, I’ll Be Alright

 

 

The Whole World Is On One Side, I Am On The Other Side

Every Happiness Runs Off, I Only Get Grief

But When You Smile For Me, The World Seems All Right

My Life Blooms In A Moment, I Wonder Why

Wonder Why, The Heart Knows, When/If You Are Around, I’ll Be Alright

 

 

(Yeah Yeah Yeah, I’ Ll Be All Right, I’ Ll Be All Right, I’ Ll Be All Right

Yeah Yeah Yeah, I’ Ll Be All Right, I’ Ll Be.. All.. Right..) – 2

The Friendship Of A Few Small Moments

I Wonder Why Now Seems Familiar

Coz When You Smile For Me, The World Seems All Right

All These Moments, Stop Right Here, I Wonder Why

(Jaane Kyun.., Jaane Kyun Dil Jaanta Hai.., Tu Hai To, I’ Ll Be All Right

I’ Ll Be All Right, I’ Ll Be All Right) – 2

January 6, 2009

Art of Persuasion & Managing Expectation

Filed under: Relationship — Confused Desi @ 1:40 pm

My Aunt, my mom tells me, was complaining about her daughter-in-law of 20 days, whom I should add was hand-picked by my aunt against my cousin’s wishes. This is very common in my community – Mother and daughter-in-law not getting along. Mother-in-law dominating and defining the couple’s relationship; Daughter-in-law or “Bahu” controlling everyone and driving away the husband; People getting divorced because of “Family” disputes.

I have somewhat dreaded it my entire life, me finding a Indian husband whose mum would never like me and we would always fight/manipulate/argue/ have issues. So, I believe, it could be the reason why I stayed away from Indian guys.

A Chinese friend of mine just told me that her fiance’s mum is acting very weird since her bf proposed and is being difficult about the wedding. She says she is being horrible and unreasonable about the whole thing. I was so shocked, this sounds so familiar. Sounds like an Indian mother of a “PERFECT” son. I thought maybe its a one off case. Then, this Indonesian friend of mine (who is happily married now), tells me that he had loads of heated discussion with his mum when he proposed to his gf and it took a long time to convince her although he shielded his current wife from all this. My sister tells me that her American neighbour complains about her daughter-in-law all the time. AND Recently, I have come to know that my prospective-future-Chines-mother-in-law has issues with me.

I am truly speechless, this is horrendous! It doesn’t matter what culture/religion it is, the melodrama seems to be everywhere.

But WHY?? Why is it so difficult for mother and daughter-in-law (majority) to get along. And Why nobody is doing anything about it? This has been going on for ages why haven’t someone come up with a solution, a fix?????

I think I before I find a fix, I am going to look for the root cause. I have done a detailed study ( mainly by gossipping with friends/family )

Daughter’s Father vs Son’s Mother [personal observation]:

When I first told about my Chinese bf to my very conservation Indian father, he reacted very differently than I expected. He was calm to begin with and he was objective in his thinking. Like any manager would tackle an issue, he listed down, in points, the reasons why he would not be OK with this reln. His first concern was about the guy’s family not accepting me and the cultural differences would be too much to handle in the long run. He was also upset that Indian community would not accept them. What I liked was that he at-least listened. Of course, I believe it was also because I cried, my sister was supportive, and my mum spoke with him.

My bf, of a year and half, has told about me to his mum since the beginning. We even met in April of 2008. (before he met my parents i think). Recently, on our china trip to visit his mum, he told his mum that gf’s parents would like us to marry by this year. To which his mum said No. I think she was too shocked (maybe) on hearing that and over the next 1o days she came up with many reasons on why this would not work: 1. its too soon 2. we should live in together first 3. I (as in me) am older/fat/brown/short which sounds petty but her traditional thinking makes it unsatisfactory (or something like that) 4. He is being pressured into it 5. ‘We’ (could be me) didn’t consult her 6. She feels she is loosing him.

I think, from my personal experience, I could say that my dad’s reaction was organized and his mum’s was emotional. It is difficult to see your only son, whom you love dearly, being taken away.

But why? This is a know fact that when your kids get married, they start their own life. You need to let go at some stage or later. You have seen it happen with yourself then why is it so difficult?

Possible Reasons:

I truly would like to blame the mother and be over with it, and most likely I still do blame them, but I don’t think that the whole fault lies there.  

Factor

Argument

Conclusion

Son is too Young

My bf is very young and it is possible that his mother thinks that he is being impulsive. It is also possible that his mother can’t let go so easily because she was not prepared.

It’s hardly likely, my friend is 30 something and his mum still had issues, same goes with 2 others.

NAH

BF is not really serious

There is a possibility that the reason the mother has issues is because the bf don’t really want this. If he did, he would have pushed for it. Explained and made her understand that she is woman in my life and I can’t function without her.

It is also possible is that he never bothered or tried to explain because it’s not a big thing for him.

Or it could be just that he wants this and not sure how to approach

I am not sure about this one.

BF is too arrogant

He was too arrogant and insensitive to think that his mother would understand and would not have an issue. She would do as he says because he is his own man.

Possible

Women are emotional

Women are so emotional and paranoid that they never take anything at face value. They are always looking for that hidden meaning, the subtext for to every statement.

However, they are very intuitive and aware of the feelings of another maybe that makes them more susceptible to pain and hurt.

Possible

Mothers are is too controlling

It is possible that they are so used to having a control over their son’s life that they don’t know how to let go and hand over that control to someone else. Or even let go of that control.

Possible

Only Son

He is the only son/child and how will they survive without them.

I think this is total bullshit; this has nothing to do with the behavior. I know so many of my friends (few) and their mum are completely ok even though they are the only son/child.

Don’t think so

Girl Power:

Even though all those factors are compelling and most likely some of them are the reasons why this shit is going on but I think there is another reason. Most guys just don’t know:

  • Art of persuasion
  • Hiding unnecessary noise / Filtering your thoughts
  • Managing expectations
  • What a woman wants

Firstly, I think guys just don’t get it. Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Wording stuff the way they think, which happens to be too literal. Sometimes, it is not necessary to tell the whole truth. Sometimes, it is required that you word things to accommodate the one you are talking to. Sometimes, it is just about having a plan. Sometimes, it is about listening between the lines. Sometimes, it is about having a stand and doing what you really want. Sometimes, it is about being honest about your feelings from the beginning. Sometimes, it is not even about anyone it is just about pride.

I know I am ranting here but what I am trying to say is that the guys who don’t face this issue are those who don’t make assumptions and realise the difficulties involved and make a plan to address those difficulties. those are the guys who are realistic and don’t live in a dreamland.

It is true that I shouldn’t sit here and rant and complain but rather work _with_  my bf to work on these issues. It is also true that it hurts that my bf only started having that conversation with his mum when I pushed him into it. Or so it seems. I think a part of me knows that this would not work out until we work together but it is difficult. All this time when I was working to bring my parents around, all he did was …. I don’t know.

Conclusion:

 If your boyfriend says that he thinks his mum is going to be fine with you, dont believe him until its proven otherwise.

Disclaimer: I might change my mind tomorrow about a lot of stuff I wrote today!

January 2, 2009

My China Trip

Filed under: General — Confused Desi @ 1:44 pm

..was awesome! There were glitches but I think I am generally satisfied. I think, my bf and I reached a different level of understanding, restored faith and bla bla bla , was great!

China is different than what I expected – more colder, more polluted, more advanced, more free, more organized. I love how much thought has been paid to infrastructure, public transport there. Its not good as Singapore but its 1o times better than Malaysia, maybe even 100. I always compared China to India, in my mind they were at a similar level but thats not at all the case. India needs another decade to be where China is today. This makes one wonder if practising democracy is the way to go, but thats a different discussion all together.

My bf’s mum is very young-at-heart type, it was great spending time with her. She is also half my size :-$ This has given me a whole new motivation to loose those extra 8 kilos!

Food was awesome. I ate so many yummy varities, which you can’t find in Singapore. 

On another note, I didn’t get all those fancy clothes tailored. All those hopes and dreams – all shattered! Infact, I must be the only person who didn’t buy anything in China. I just bought some jackets, purses and boots and nothing else 😦  Malls in Shanghai are somewhat same priced as Singapore, so somehow I wasn’t really tempted. The fake goods were all winter style, which is of no use. So ended up buying nothing much.

I guess next time I will do more research before I leave 😉

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